10 Steps for Conflict Resolution

CoNfLiCt ReSoLUTION is the process of addressing disagreements and disputes between individuals, couples, families, or groups in a productive and positive way. The strategies listed below focus on identifying root causes of the conflict, acknowledging and validating each participant’s perspectives and feelings, and working in unison to find solutions that meet the needs and concerns of everyone involved. 

Some of the techniques for resolving conflicts include identifying the issue, Active Listening, Assertive Communication, compromise, and mediation. It’s important to approach any conflict with an open mind and a focus on a solution that are mutually beneficial. 

Use the approach below to address ongoing conflicts, as well as any future issues you may come across.

1 . STAY CALM: Take a time out if necessary. It's important to keep your emotions in check when dealing with conflict. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or take a break if needed to calm down before addressing the issue.

2. NARROW DOWN YOUR ASK: This means defining the problem, being specific, and communicating your need/ask. In the Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work, Gottman found that people who heard comments through a lease of criticism, contempt, or defensiveness were more likely to struggle resolving conflicts within their closest relationships. 

3. LISTEN ACTIVELY: Listen carefully to the other person's point of view and try to understand their perspective. Encourage them to express themselves fully and try to avoid interrupting or dismissing their concerns. Active listening includes

  • Listening without interrupting 

  • Restating what you heard

  • Acknowledge what was said

  • Acknowledge what they feel

4. COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY: Effectively communicators are good at speaking assertively. You can do the same by using clear and respectful communication to express your own thoughts and feelings. Avoid using accusatory language or blaming the other person for the conflict. Speaking assertively means: 

  • Speaking Clearly

  • Speaking Gently 

  • Sharing your feelings

  • Speaking Directly

  • Not assuming people are mind readers

5. IDENTIFY COMMON GROUND: Look for areas of agreement or shared values to help find a mutually beneficial solution to the conflict. This can include

  • Finding shared goals

  • Identify and/or Negotiate a starting point

6. BRAINSTORMING SOLUTIONS: The goal here is to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Be creative. Refrain from criticizing. Hold back your judgement. Instead, work together to come up with creative solutions that address the needs and concerns of both parties. In sessions, families and couples have found it help to start with 10 goals, and then build from there. You can always add or remove items as you goal along your conflict resolution adventure.

7. TALK IT OUT: Discuss each of the possible solutions (listed above), being as objective as possible. Talk about how you will feel putting the idea to use. Is it appropriate? Is it feasible? How motivated are you feeling to start with the idea? 

8. COMPROMISE: Agree on one solution, __________________, and dedicate a brief time-frame to put it to use. During this phase, it’s often helpful to discuss how each person/party will dedicate time toward putting this new idea into effect. 

9. FOLLOW THROUGH: Once a solution has been reached, be sure to follow through with any agreements you have made, as well as taking any additional steps along the way to prevent the conflict from re-emerging in the future. This includes:

  • Set-Up time to check-in

  • Re-evaluate and be flexible 

10. CELEBRATE THE WINS: Studies show celebrating victories helps to boost morale, increase motivation, foster positivity and help maintain perspective on goals. So take a moment to celebrate the win by acknowledging all of your hard work. 

Remember that resolving conflicts can be a challenging process, but by remaining calm, communicating effectively, and working together, it is often possible to find a solution that satisfies everyone involved.

If you find you have ongoing problems that don’t go away over time, it is important to seek professional counseling. If you are ready to start learning how to implement these conflict resolution strategies, or how to address other major mental health concerns in your life, you can text 646-481-4485 for a free consultation.

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Until the conversation continues

- Genesis Urena, MSW, LSW/LMSW, SIFI, CSAT-Candidate

Relationships, Communication, Anger ManagementGenesis Urena, LCSWCommunication Skills, Social Skills, Mediation, Conflict Resolution